Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Breaking News: John McCain drops Palin, names Daddy Yankee as his new VP pick!

Maverick Republican presidential candidate John McCain certainly knows how to pick 'em! If you've been hiding under a rock (or watching CNN) you probably have just begun to hear the news just now.

The latest (and please try not to let your brain explode): Extreme right-wing Alaska governor Sarah Palin (right), who McCain announced as his running mate on Friday, has since been linked to the following:
So pardon me for jumping the gun but I am now willing to bet that the BIG news of the Republican National Convention will be... drum roll please!...

Palin will be dropped by week's end and Daddy Yankee (above) will be McCain's new running mate! Here's why:

Both met John McCain only once and evidence indicates they were hardly vetted, if at all:
  • In a jaw-dropping move, Daddy Yankee appeared at an event staged in an Arizona high-school a week ago Monday and endorsed McCain (they had only met only once before and the campaign staff were reported to be at a loss on how the endorsement arrangement came about - and were clueless about his raunchy lyrics).
  • In a jaw-dropping move, Sarah Palin appeared at an event staged in Ohio on Friday and was named as McCain's vice-presidential pick (they had met only once before and she was only vetted a week ago today - and staffers were clueless about everything that has been revealed since she was selected).
Both have children with colorful names:
  • Daddy Yankee, who is 31, has three children with his wife Mirredys: For some bizarre reason they thought it would be cute to call their kids Yamilet, Jesairis (nicknamed Yayi) and Jeremy (ok, Jeremy gets a pass). For someone who is a musical star in Puerto Rico, he is famously protective of their privacy and rarely talks about them to press.
  • Sarah Palin, who is 44, has five chidren with her husband Ted: For some bizarre reason they thought it would be cute to call their kids Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig (ok, I admit Trig is a pretty cool name). For someone who is a political star in Alaska, she has certainly benefitted from having a large family and being seen as a mom with good ol' American family values.
Both love la gasolina:
  • Daddy Yankee's biggest hit was "Gasolina" which McCain famoulsy invoked during the endorsement event apparently oblivious to the fact that the song is not about pumping gasoline but, instead, about - er - pumping semen into a girl.
  • One of Sarah Palin's biggest hits with conservatives is her embrace of oil drilling as a panacea for the economic doldrums. McCain has famously said that the ticket will push for accelerated off-shore oil drilling aparently oblivious to the fact that he's just making oll companies wealthy and destroying the environment with little economic return.
Both love their guns and ammo:
  • In building up his street-cred, Daddy Yankee can't stop singing about guns and ammo even though, as with "Gasolina" sometimes in his songs a gun means something else altogether.
  • In building up her street-cred, Sarah Palin can shoot AK-47's with the best of them even when she's showing her children how to kill Bambi's dad.
Both are way, way, waaaay out-of-field VP selections which appeal to very specific voting niches:
  • Daddy Yankee is from Puerto Rico and appeals to Latinos
  • Sarah Palin is from Idaho and appeals to gun-tottin' PUMA's
Both are tapped to head-line events during this week's Republican National Convention:
  • Daddy Yankee headlined what was supposed to be a Latinos for John McCain fundraiser concert on Monday (which, alas, came on the day that Hurricane Gustave hit Louisiana so the money was given to the Red Cross instead).
  • Sarah Palin is headlining tonight's prime time speeches (which, alas, was meant to be celebratory but now seems to be all about damage control).
Neither has any idea of what a vice president does:
  • Daddy Yankee 'cause, well, he's Daddy Yankee
  • As for Sarah Palin she is actually on record (check the 2:55 minute mark from this YouTube video from a month ago)
And if she doesn't have a clue, why not select Daddy Yankee for Vice President? I mean, how worse a VP selection could it turn out to be?

Plus, McCain would look more hip to the youngsters as well! Or not... (via David Ortez)


Lito Sandoval said...

How Onion of you! I love it!

libhom said...

At least Daddy Yankee doesn't look completely deranged like Palin does.