Update: Tom and Emilo head north

As long as I'm doing some catch-up: Back on Nov. 20th the hubby and I (and our friends Pablo and Diana) made our way to the New Jersey wilderness to bid farewell to Tom and Emilio (check out the good-bye cards!). We ate, we drank, we kareoke'd and we played the maracas! And we were sad to say good-bye to the big guys even if we did promise to visit them in Toronto - their adopted home - next year (that's Tom, myself, the boo and Emilio in the pic above).

As I've written in the past, Tom and Emilio were forced to leave the United States because federal immigration policies discriminate against same-sex partners and do not recognize us as family even if New Jersey recently passed one of the most extensive same-sex civil union laws.

Among attendees was documentary producer Sebastian Cordoba (no, that's not his natural hair color) who has an OpEd piece in today's Gay City News on the issue of bi-national same-sex partners and immigration ("No Blue Skies for Bi-National Couples").

Sebastian is the director of "Through Thick and Thin," which highlights the plight of couples who face a similar quandary and features Tom and Emilio.

In the meantime, Tom and Emilio - who left the United States by car on Thursday, December 13th - have continued to share their experiences - including the uncertainties of arriving in a new city - through their individual blogs:

• Tom: Canadian Hope (English)
• Emilio: Esperanza en Canada (Spanish)

Most people don't realize the difficulty that these couples face as they seek to stay together. Some would go to the end of this earth to do so which certainly speaks to the bonds of love that others would seek to deny.

Here's hoping that Tom and Emilio find safe haven in Toronto and are finally able to love each other without the incredible stress and ups and downs of the past few years.

Other blogs: Bi-national couples and immigration rights

I haven't had much time to blog as of late so I thought I'd point out some recent blog posts elsewhere. In this particular edition, we'll focus on what other blogs are saying about bi-national couples and immigration rights:

Citizen Crain: Over at former New York Blade editor Chris Crain's blog, it might have surprised a few people that he recently gave props to presidential candidate Barack Obama. It's over a response the Obama camp gave one of the blog's readers on the issue of immigration rights for same-sex partners of United States citizens. Crain is writing from personal experience as his partner is a Brazilian man and, unlike heterosexual bi-national couples, he is not allowed to sponsor him for immigration. One of the most glaring examples of how same-sex partners are discriminated in this country.

Canadian Hope: Long time readers will also know of the bitter struggle that my friends Tom and Emilio (pictured above on the right next to my partner and I) have had in being able to remain in this country as a couple. Just last December Emilio got word that he had been granted political asylum in the United States which would have allowed him to stay but their hopes were dashed days later when they found out that the Office of Homeland Security had decided to appeal the asylum ruling. So for a while now both have looked up to Canada as a beacon of hope.

An update: Just this Monday they received news that made those hopes a little bit closer.

The couple is featured in "Through Thick and Thin," a recent documentary by Argentine filmmaker Sebastian Cordoba currently making the film festival rounds.

Boy in Bushwick: Reporter Mike Lavers, incidentally, recently penned a column on the issue which he has posted over at his blog. He covered a recent forum at New York's LGBT Community Center on the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) introduced by NY Congressman Jerry Nadler (more about it here) which would, if passed, allow couples like Tom and Emilio to remain together.

The United States vs. Emilio

Just when I thought there were some good news to celebrate at the end of the year, the US government has decided that tax revenues must be spent to stop two men from loving each other.

Unhappy that a New Jersey immigration court judge decided to grant political asylum to my friend Emilio last week, the government has decided that it must spend legal and fiscal resources to challenge the ruling and prolong the legal battle that Emilio and his partner Tom have been waging for the last five years in order to stay together as a couple.

Mind you, Tom and Emilio are residents in the same state in which their Governor Jon Corzine signed a civil union bill JUST TODAY which purportedly would extend the same rights afforded to married heterosexual partners to same-sex partners.

Let's just say that if that was true, Tom and Emilio would not be going through this. Talk about political hypocrisy at the expense of real people's lives.

Emilio gets final word from immigration court

Let's say that attending one of the annual Gay Expo's at the Jacob Javitz Convention Center is not my idea of fun and I usually avoid it like the plague. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that some people want to pay for a ticket to spend even more money on all sorts of ultra-gay stuff such as a rainbow-colored raincoat for kitty or a pink wiener-ring. As I say, nothing wrong with that but it just ain't me (and if I had a kitty, I'd probably buy a regular yellow poncho.... then again, maybe I'd let kitty get wet).

But there I was a month ago trudging my way from Queens to Manhattan's West Side hinterlands on a weekend to catch a private screening of documentary maker Sebastian Cordoba's "Through Thick and Thin" during this year's Expo (I've mentioned it here before but had yet to see it).

Through Thick and Thin: The documentary, which is still being edited as it makes the festival rounds, follows the hardships faced by seven same-sex couples whose relationships are in the balance due to the fact that one partner cannot sponsor the other for residency or citizenship as heterosexual couples can in this country. David Kennerly of Gay City News was also at the screening and wrote this review.

Even as a work in process, the film is tremendously moving, as couples are forced to make sacrifices for their love of each other that a number of heterosexual marriages would never survive: Two men raising children live with the fear of being torn apart at any moment; a woman decides to move to the UK with her partner even though she has to leave a well-paying job, an extended family and two supporting daughters back in the United States; two young girls dream of moving in together and escaping being rejected by their families but run into the immigration barrier instead; a man whose health is deteriorating cannot find a way to get his Brazilian partner to be by his side; each year, two men's hearts brim with joy during the two weeks that they are able to visit each other and are crushed each time they have to say good-bye; two immigrant partners of United States citizens are seeking political asylum based on persecution in their home countries but face deportation if the asylum court says no.

I was able to catch the screening at the invitation of one of the couples, Tom and Emilio (above, right). We have known Emilio, who was born in Venezuela, just about forever, and Tom? Just a sweet, great guy despite being so damn tall! Both have lived together for over five years and to see them together is to see two men deeply in love.

Tom and Emilio: In the documentary, it is clear just how much Emilio is part of Tom's extended family and how much they love him. Tom doesn't shy away from talking to his parents and brothers about the challenges and frustrations of not being able to plan a future together out of the fear that Emilio might get sent home by an immigration judge. The camera follows them to asylum court where a decision has been in the balance for years and their fear, stress and disappointment is palpable when they are told that a decision has been postponed once again.

Now, in my line of work, I have probably helped hundreds of people who have applied for political asylum based on sexual orientation be it through helping them to assess whether they have a good case, translating documents that prove that there is persecution against gays and lesbians in Latin America or actually acting as translator during the nerve-wracking asylum court interviews.

Recently, knowing just how involved I am on these issues and expressing the frustration he has felt over the last few years, Tom asked me: "Why aren't you angrier?"

It's a question that has stuck in my mind and one that I don't think I have answered. But it's different to represent a client seeking asylum than to watch friends go through the process. Truth be told, if you see hundreds of these cases, you become somewhat desensitized to the process and detached from the outcome. Not that you stop caring but you would die of sadness or anger if you invested yourself emotionally each time a decision was made (thankfully, of the cases in which I have been involved only two people have been deported, pretty good batting average, no?).

At the screening I sat behind Emilio and Tom. In the dark, watching their story as well as that of others, I could not help but cry. In front of me, Emilio was also overcome while Tom held his hand tightly. I managed to wipe away my tears before the lights came on but Emilio knew: "Lagrimitas?" he asked, and he just smiled and said "Me too."

Immigration rights activists: As Tom also reminds me from time to time, I have turned them into immigration rights activists. It was back in 2004 that I reached out to them to speak to HOY for a cover page article they were doing on the decision by Massachusetts to allow same-sex marriage rights in the state. Last week, I also asked them to talk to HOY again in the wake of the recent New Jersey ruling that seems to be paving the way for civil unions instead of marriage rights. I felt that their situation, as New Jersey residents, perfectly illustrated why civil unions do not match full marriage rights for same-sex partners. Truth is that whether New Jersey approves civil unions or actual marriage (civil marriage or religious marriage), immigration rights for same-sex bi-national couples won't be recognized unless the federal government recognizes that same-sex couples are also creating families.

Stay or leave: On Friday night I got a call from Emilio. We'll be meeting Tom and Emilio for dinner and drinks on the 30th so I thought he wanted to make final plans for the evening. Instead he was calling to say that he'd just found out he'd been finally granted political asylum in the United States! My partner and I, who were having dinner at a Colombian restaurant, were just overjoyed and told Emilio we would make a toast for him. Talk about an amazing holidat present.

So Tom and Emilio are finally able to plan ahead and conceivably spend their lives together in the United States now that Emilio has been granted asylum, right? Well, not so fast! Tom admits that "It's the first time in 5 years we feel completely safe," but plans they have made to move to Canada next year are still moving full-speed ahead and the fact that the United States Department of Homeland Security, which is in charge of immigration, made it almost impossible for Tom and Emilio to remain together is behind their resolution to abandon this country.

We hope that it won't come to that but, if it does, we will understand completely and fully support Tom and Emilio in their decision. For now we rejoice in the fact that Emilio can stay.

The Annual Gay Expo: And, as long as we are being open, the Gay Expo did not turn out to be as bad as I thought. Maybe (gulp!) I should go back next year and check it out? If I do, I'll let you know.

Tom's blog: Canadian Hope
Emilio's blog: Esperanza Canadiense

UPDATE: The United States vs. Emilio (December 21, 2006)

A difficult choice: Love or country

Back in May I briefly mentioned a documentary making the film festival rounds and still in the post-production stages called Through Thick and Thin. The film's director, Sebastian Cordoba, was being profiled in The Advocate for a series of articles on immigration and the LGBT community in the June 6th issue (co-producer Lavi Soloway's blog is on the right)

The documentary drew my attention not only because it portrays the wrenching situation faced by hundreds of gay couples around the United States when one partner is a United States citizen or resident and the other is neither, but also because one of the couples featured in the film are my friends Tom and Emilio (pictured).

Well, Tom has just joined the blogosphere with Canadian Hope and Emilio is running it's Spanish language companion Esperanza Canadiense (added to my links on the right).

As Tom writes "We are a bi-national couple living in New Jersey, USA. We've struggled for almost 5 years just to remain together. Earlier this year we were inspired to apply for residency in Canada because we yearn to be free, equal and safe from the tyranny of the right. This blog will be a mix of our immigration process, our daily lives and topics of interest like politics and religion."

A year ago, when I launched this blog, several friends (and bloggers) greeted me with open arms. So I say, still hoping that Tom and Emilio will somehow resolve their situation and be able to stay in the United States, welcome to the blogosphere! Love you guys!

UPDATES:

• Emilio gets final word from immigration court (December 19, 2006)
• The United States vs. Emilio (December 21, 2006)